I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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