Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
