i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
