Tell her she can't have a vagina
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
