guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
