8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
