My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize