He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
