whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
