On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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