i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
