sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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