even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
