Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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