Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
