Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
