I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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