Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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