dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
