She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
