Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
