i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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