I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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