Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize