i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
