Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
