The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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