I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize