Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
