i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
