Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
