I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
