She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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