I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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