it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
