Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
