Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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