Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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