i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
