I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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