Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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