it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
