What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
