I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
