Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
