I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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