I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
