i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
