He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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