Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
