Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
