are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize