1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
