I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
