on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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