He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize