is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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