I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
