I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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