Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
