Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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