Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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