sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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