used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
