the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
