so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize