I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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